To fully appreciate the following tale, you must know the following two pieces of information:
1. I live in a suburb
2. While driving, I listen to my entire iPod playlist on shuffle
On the way home from school this evening, I turned into my neighborhood, dismayed to find gaggles and gaggles of little kids decked out in their silly Halloween garb taking up the entire road. There were two huge hoardes of them side by side; they took up the entire road and made no move to get out of the way so that I could pass even though I was being all respectful by driving slowly, not honking my horn, or blasting them with my high beams. They were dressed as their own assorted characters, all walking slower than death, hauling along their loot. It was like an exodus of fairy tale people into the dark night. Consequently, I was inching along at about two miles an hour.
The song serenading me at this particular point in time? “The Grand Parade of Lifeless Packaging” by Genesis.
My room is a veritable mess. Beneath a massive heap of crud, there’s a Kinder Surprise on my floor. This country doesn’t even sell Kinder Surprises. My room is a mess of international proportions.
In other news, I adhere to a philosophy that says that umbrellas are for wusses. Sometimes I regret this.
Someday, I hope to visit Alberta, because I’ve never been to a province named after an Eric Clapton song before.
It’s official. I’m going to Canada December 29th through January 7th, so quit yo whinin’.
I saw a live gong orchestra today and you didn’t.
See, I talk to my cat. Tina is s squat little hoodlum of a cat who lacks a tail because she was dense enough to allow a car to run over it. Because of this defect, we’ve taken up calling her “Knob”, as her tail is now no more than a “butt-knob”. Last night, she was out in the cruel, dark night, and I was standing on the front step calling her. The conversations I have with my cat are never anything short of ridiculous, and I yelled and pleaded for Knob to just come home, offering all sorts of apologies and promises and allusions to the good ol’ days and whatnot. Little did I know, a neighbor just so happened to be walking their dog past our house at that particular point in time…
“Knob! Knob, please come home to me! I’m sorry I made fun of you for that time they shaved your gut and took your colon out! You are Spartan, never forget that! We can play volleyball, if you want to! Please come home! The coyotes are prowling! We’re watching a movie with a lot of senseless violence, I know how you love senseless violence! Maybe you can pick up some sweet new moves to use to annihilate voles, bloodthirsty savage you are! I’ll let you sit on the couch and eat some pie…”
“Hello?”
